I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Randomize
