Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
wow bdsm is so cute
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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