I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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