I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
