I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
