Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
