So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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