I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
