I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
