I like to think it a success when the cops are called
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
