Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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