Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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