i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
