He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
