Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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