I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
