The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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