I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
