the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
