lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
