you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
