i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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