Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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