imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
