i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
