he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
