he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
