I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
