Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
