she woke up with a sticky ear
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize