Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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