You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
