guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
