I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
