I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
