I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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