I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
