just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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