My cat gives me a boner
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
