trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
