I am puke
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
