She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
