So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
