I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
