It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
