you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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