**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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