Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize