I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
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