You just made me feel so damn special
I'm gonna have a badass scar
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
