Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
