I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
