yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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