dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
