If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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