it was like his penis was on wheels.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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