Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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