You smell like stripper and shame
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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