he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
