ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
