I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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