We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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