i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
