Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
