I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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