3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
