I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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